Brave

I always dread parent teacher conferences a bit – ever since a conference when my son was in second grade and a school psychologist made me cry, saying, “You don’t even know what’s wrong with your son. How miserable you must be.” Well, we did eventually find out what was “wrong” – J has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and if you’re a regular reader of my blog, you already know that (and if you don't here are two previous essays about it - Twice Exceptional and Crime and Punishment). What you may not know, though is that in the years since his diagnosis (he was diagnosed at the end of second grade, he is now in sixth grade), he has grown into an incredibly brave young man who will tell anyone interested about his OCD.

Still, I did not know what I would hear when meeting with his teachers earlier this week and I certainly couldn’t have anticipated his English teacher’s report. As soon as I sat down, she gushed about J’s presentation on having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She said that he was very
confident and answered all of his classmates’ questions. She said that he really enlightened the class and she was so happy that he shared his story. When J initially proposed doing his essay and presentation on having OCD, his teacher called me to make sure that it was ok with me. I told her that as long as it was ok with him, it was fine with me. I did worry that he might be judged or change his mind at the last minute, but I was so proud that he was even willing to try.

Late last night I was neatening up my den before going to bed and came upon J’s essay. It was in a pile of schoolwork that I had started to go through earlier in the day, but never finished. It pulled me in right away, and even though it was after 1:00 am, I read through the whole thing. I quickly decided that I needed to share it – that it could help other kids (and even adults) going through the same thing and my idea of J being a guest blogger on Boys, Dogs and Chaos was born. So, here’s my first ever guest blogger, J, with his presentation on having OCD:

“Almost four years ago when I was eight years old, I was diagnosed with OCD. OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This is the first time I’m telling a big group of people, because I’ve always been kind of embarrassed about it, but now I know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. OCD is a disease that makes you do stuff multiple times, like washing your hands many times, turning on and off the lights, opening and closing the refrigerator and other things. It also makes you do something a certain way every time, like walking into the house a certain way, getting into bed a certain way, brushing your teeth a certain way and other things.

Have you ever noticed that I’m really skinny? Well, I’m only about 60 pounds, because of OCD. It makes me worry that if I eat too much, I’ll get sick. I know won’t, but I can’t help it. I also have to tap my fingers a certain way a lot during the day and it gives me symptoms of ADHD.

One day, my mom was reading the newspaper and saw a little ad that North Shore LIJ Hospital was doing a study to see if a person with OCD has a different brain than someone who doesn’t have it. At first I didn’t want to do it, because you need to have an MRI to participate. Then my mom said that
I would get paid $410 for my time going. They pay would pay me $80 twice to do an interview and $250 for the MRI. Of course, I said yes after hearing that. This was in fourth grade, by the way. I had to get picked up early twice to go to a doctor in Queens for the interview - then I got paid $80 each time.

Then the big day came. My mom picked me up from school at 12:45 and drove me out to Manhasset North Shore LIJ Hospital for the MRI. I had to wait for an hour. Then a doctor came out and took me to the MRI room. They told me to lie down on a bed. Then they put heavy duty headphones on me, because the MRI is really loud. Then they gave me a rubber ball to squeeze, in case something happened and I needed them to stop the MRI. The MRI took an hour and a half, but at least they had to pay me $250 by law.

The doctors have scientifically proven that people with OCD have different brains from people who don’t. I feel very proud that I was a part of this research. I’ve also learned that having OCD is nothing to feel bad or embarrassed about. It’s just you. This disease will never stop me from doing
what I want to do.”

As I finished reading this essay last night, I had tears in my eyes. I can’t really explain the emotions that hit you when you realize that your child – one who has struggled (and continues to struggle) with a disease as formidable as OCD – truly possesses the strength to overcome anything. It’s
a mixture of gratitude and awe – of course – but something else intangible, unnamable. Like a sigh of relief in an emotion. This morning I told J my idea about posting this essay on my blog. I told him that he could be a guest blogger and that his story could help a lot of kids struggling with OCD – or many other mental health issues – to feel a lot better. A huge smile spread across his face and he said that he would love it if I shared his story. I’m so proud of him and I’m honored to have such an authentic, brave voice as my very first guest blogger (and of course as my son).

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